Go on girl ~
Sunday, February 3rd, 2008Every wound needs time to heal.
Have you ever picked the scar from a wound before it is
properly healed? It bleeds again and the feeling of hurt at the time that you
got it starts flowing down your memory lane again as well. The same can happen when you
have a wounded heart. You tend to feel that everything is connected to you and
that simple connection would put you back in a state of distress.
Being rejected is just one of many things that one would not
want to endure especially if its coming from someone you think would be yours forever.
It will also just inflict more pain in oneself especially if it’s carried out badly.
Relationship is about two people being together, and in the process,
both accept each other’s flaw in order to benefit a good lifelong commitment. Communication
is one big factor when you are committed to someone you love. You’d tend to do
everything there is just to save that beautiful thing. But of course, there are
times that it’s a bit short. No matter how you try to grab it, it wouldn’t just
lock into your hands.
For more than two years now, I’ve been with someone who has
given me a good picture of how beautiful life is and how love truly works in
its mysterious ways. She was more than I’ve asked for… more that I’ve ever
dreamed of. She’s just perfect the way I see her. It’s like seeing my forever
in her. But no matter how good it is to be true, it won’t just put it in its
perfect place that easy. It always comes a bit short. I can say that were meant
for each other but it’s the situation that is killing us. It is a situation
that can’t easily be resolved and would ask one not just an assurance but something
more.
For her, time is her adversary. The way she looks at our
picture gives her no assurance at all. She thinks that immaturity in my part
gets in the way and she just can’t trust her whole life with me. Of course, I can’t
blame her. I’m young and not yet ready as of now. But one thing is for sure and
very clear to me, I love her very much and I want her forever in my life. It’s just
that for me – time is my chance. Right now, I can’t just make a move because I’m
in no position yet to say that I’m financially or emotionally ready to take
that big step in our life. But if situation asks for it, like if everything gets
in the open, I would say that I’m willing to sacrifice all that I have and all
that matters to me just for her.
When I said that time is may chance, it means that I’m
trying to get into a position wherein I would be able to have everything between
us fall in its right places. The situation that we were in is very complicated
and is something that is not to be taken lightly. I’m laying down options for
myself on how we can get out of this one so that our forever will not that be
hard to reach.
But then, it did not take awhile and she already
surrendered. We’d have petty quarrels turning into major disagreements due to
lack of communication and all it did was to find herself, not wanting the
relationship anymore. She got tired of it and of course respect for each other
ended flying out of the door until we found ourselves standing next to each
other as total strangers. She got hurt. I got hurt too. We’ve tremendously have
hurt each other.
I tried saving it once more but I feel its no forever for
her now and I’m nothing now but a stranger to her. She’s kind of firm on what
she believes and that things between us now are really over. Well, I still have
hopes for us even though things are so messed up now. Actually, we don’t know
at the moment what’s really in there for us in the future but if ever our path would
intertwine again and another chance is revealed, I’ll not make the same mistake
of losing her again.
For now, since she needs to move on with her life, I need to
respect that. I have to move on now as well. Enjoy life. Meet new people. Anyway,
I have to feel good about myself so that if ever I’d be faced with love again, I
could radiate out this positive state of being and offer it to that someone.
