BIBZ - intricacies of life!

Every wound needs time to heal.

Have you ever picked the scar from a wound before it is
properly healed? It bleeds again and the feeling of hurt at the time that you
got it starts flowing down your memory lane again as well. The same can happen when you
have a wounded heart. You tend to feel that everything is connected to you and
that simple connection would put you back in a state of distress. 

Being rejected is just one of many things that one would not
want to endure especially if its coming from someone you think would be yours forever.
It will also just inflict more pain in oneself especially if it’s carried out badly.

Relationship is about two people being together, and in the process,
both accept each other’s flaw in order to benefit a good lifelong commitment. Communication
is one big factor when you are committed to someone you love. You’d tend to do
everything there is just to save that beautiful thing. But of course, there are
times that it’s a bit short. No matter how you try to grab it, it wouldn’t just
lock into your hands.

For more than two years now, I’ve been with someone who has
given me a good picture of how beautiful life is and how love truly works in
its mysterious ways. She was more than I’ve asked for… more that I’ve ever
dreamed of. She’s just perfect the way I see her. It’s like seeing my forever
in her. But no matter how good it is to be true, it won’t just put it in its
perfect place that easy. It always comes a bit short. I can say that were meant
for each other but it’s the situation that is killing us. It is a situation
that can’t easily be resolved and would ask one not just an assurance but something
more. 

For her, time is her adversary. The way she looks at our
picture gives her no assurance at all. She thinks that immaturity in my part
gets in the way and she just can’t trust her whole life with me. Of course, I can’t
blame her. I’m young and not yet ready as of now. But one thing is for sure and
very clear to me, I love her very much and I want her forever in my life. It’s just
that for me – time is my chance. Right now, I can’t just make a move because I’m
in no position yet to say that I’m financially or emotionally ready to take
that big step in our life. But if situation asks for it, like if everything gets
in the open, I would say that I’m willing to sacrifice all that I have and all
that matters to me just for her.

When I said that time is may chance, it means that I’m
trying to get into a position wherein I would be able to have everything between
us fall in its right places. The situation that we were in is very complicated
and is something that is not to be taken lightly. I’m laying down options for
myself on how we can get out of this one so that our forever will not that be
hard to reach. 

But then, it did not take awhile and she already
surrendered. We’d have petty quarrels turning into major disagreements due to
lack of communication and all it did was to find herself, not wanting the
relationship anymore. She got tired of it and of course respect for each other
ended flying out of the door until we found ourselves standing next to each
other as total strangers. She got hurt. I got hurt too. We’ve tremendously have
hurt each other.

I tried saving it once more but I feel its no forever for
her now and I’m nothing now but a stranger to her. She’s kind of firm on what
she believes and that things between us now are really over. Well, I still have
hopes for us even though things are so messed up now. Actually, we don’t know
at the moment what’s really in there for us in the future but if ever our path would
intertwine again and another chance is revealed, I’ll not make the same mistake
of losing her again.

For now, since she needs to move on with her life, I need to
respect that. I have to move on now as well. Enjoy life. Meet new people. Anyway,
I have to feel good about myself so that if ever I’d be faced with love again, I
could radiate out this positive state of being and offer it to that someone.

as of the moment, im trying to collect all the right words that would fill a justifiable not one-sided article. it’ll be something new. something out of my head, i guess. a melo-dramatic one that would kill a love story…

hmmm…  itll be there. wait for it.

Go on girl
by: kyle Abaca

Love at first sight. Ever felt a
smile crossing across your face when a face breezes by you? And then everything
changes. The world seems more beautiful, the weather seems to be perfect and
everything seems to be where at they are. It’s as if you’re in some place you don’t
want to leave. Adrenaline rushes in you. Blood spurts out of your veins and the
heart… the heart pounds stronger this time. You can clearly hear it even though
the music is trying to tear out the place where you are standing. You’re trying
to do something but you don’t seem to get anything done and every moment her
face just draws a good picture in nothingness.

Is it really love that you’re
feeling?! You’re not sure. You don’t know. 

You never planned it. You did not
ask for it. You did not even want anyone to hound your thoughts every millisecond in the
first place. It is simply saying that it just came when you never expected it though
I am sure that you had hoped for it. After all, isn’t love the key to optimum
happiness? Love… It makes people tick in so many ways like it pushes us normal
mortals beyond our limit. It causes us to break, reshape our inner selves, take
risks, and even adapt in ways that many other living being weren’t innate to
do. It is how He created us - - To love and be loved.

Now, you tend to become more
observant trying to notice every bit of her even the slightest gestures. How sweetly
she talks? How gracefully she walks? How she throws those beautiful smiles at
you?! It just completes your day. She’s like a treasure that you found in the
depth of sea when you submerged yourself to her. A dream you never exactly hoped to
achieve yet she’s standing in front of you. An experience so close yet so far
that has branded itself upon your life. 

You feel all of this and more. You’ll
feel that it leads you closer to the future - - that you both fit together in
so many ways possible. 

But you’re not sure of that. 

It is just simply love at first sight!

Having a successful relationship is like driving
a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights shine up ahead, and
you can make the entire trip that way. When you see a bump in the road or have
to take a detour just to avoid a major disagreement, you simply make a mutually
beneficial adjustment and keep on going.

We all need to go through the ups and downs,
experience the traumas and revel in the successes of the relationship in order
to grow. It is just the way to get there.

Now, when the relationship is strained, it is
sometimes difficult to be ourselves. There are times that you may feel that if
you don’t do what she wants you to do, she will be upset and become even more
distant. This is where agreements are important. We need to allow each other to
make our own choices. First for ourselves and then for the relationship.

We should definitely give each other a room to
grow. No one can grow in the shade. If you are always hovering at each other, you are literally smothering the love that could be yours. It tires us
down and we just have to shout for space!

There are just times that you will need to sit
down and have some time to be alone with your thoughts.

Even though it may appear that you are both from
different planets because you share so little in your communication, it is
possible for you to lay down your guns. Seek peace and choose to travel in the
same orbit. Working together to identify your differences benefits a good
relationship. Always remember: If God brings you to it, He will bring you
through it!

Friends from ICT
Batch 24

lasenggera pero cute naman
billabong board shorts daw ang style nya
gambling princess of *toot*
baka nabuntis ka sa pagkiss ko sau.. sabhin mo lang..

hawak sa leeg ng boyfriend
talak queen - joke lang
galit sakin kasi injanero daw ako - di totoo yun!
cutie girl ng recto

iyakin to the max
major panic pag closing ng sale
mukhang inlove na kay *toot*
ang pre-school ever so sweet teacher ng davao

kleng iyakin
anne talakikay
rochellee lasing

hay naku! nakakamiz!

kleng - tama na! ang puso ate!
ruff - angas talga! idol ko to!

sensya na… ala ko pic nung iba eh..

Things in life are really not
certain. Even the time of how long your relationship will last can’t give you
enough foundation that you’d say you truly know her well and you’d end up with
her, thinking that she’s already the one that you’ve chosen to grow old with. And
when the time comes that you’d realize things between you two are really never
working at all, she’ll dropped everything without considering all the
happy memories that you’ve shared with one another. It’s a move that would
change a lot in oneself and, worse, enough degradation. It’s something that
will give a great loss in self esteem and sometimes you’d get to a point where
you’d have a wrong realization that true love doesn’t exist. But then you’d
hear a happy story about an old couple who had been together for 50 years and
they would say that it had also been a bumpy ride for them but still they tried
to hang on for the sake of not losing something that is good. You’d think again
— maybe there’s still room to be in love again.

2006 is just around the corner and now as we bid farewell for the year 2005, we are also saying our goodbyes to those problems and trials we have encountered and just put everything in a box those fond memories we have shared with friends and loved ones treasuring it for the rest our lives.

2005
as i read my previous blog entries which were all written this year, i find myself smiling as i read every word of it. there had been many mixed emotions expressed on it. ive never seen myself so melodramatic with my life just like what im doing right now. i guess it has just been my understanding that there is just no guy who would write and share an extensive information about himself and have it freely be read by everyone. its showing one guy’s weaknesses. still, i did it.

there had been entries also of some of my escapades and gimiks. i surely had a great time because every bit of it were just detailed. the pictures in my head mystically comes to life as i look back those blissful moments ive had with those special people who had shared it wth me. i just can never thank enough all of you who had made this year for me a very special one. thank you so much!

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

its been a long time since ive blogged here again. there are many happy stories to write and of course bad memories that need to be forgotten. i can say for now that for the long time that i was not in cyberspace, i was at bars be it somewhere in timog katipunan and ortigas. still, i dont consider myself a "barrista". i can never take that title from jom’s. hehe

first of all, i want to say sorry to those people who had thought that i never had the time to go visit you guys last all saint’s day in bicol truthfully because i was not there. i haven’t gone home for the last three months. at the moment, plans are that im spending my xmas there and hopefully spend our new year here. so to all my bicol friends, there’ll be plenty of bonding and gimik when i get back there.

secondly, i want to say sorry to someone who had been special to me because of pure misunderstanding between us. people who had witness the special bond that we had can also say that things really had been fast which surely had fallen out of hand. ive explained everything to you already. i dont want to be unfair with myself and especially with you. i wont deprive you the love that i cant give which others can give you. ive been honest with you even with my past. i thought it would give you a clear view of what i am instead it did not. so for all the good times, i wanna thank you for that. i want you to know also that everything is fine with me now. i have nothing against you and i am hoping that you dont have one either. im happy and well contented with where we are right now and i think its time that you have one too. i wish you the best in everything and may you experience the true wonders of xmas.

lastly, i want to thank those friends of mine who had been always there for me. you all know who you are. you guys trully showed me what friendship really means. i just wish that we may have more dreams to fulfill and more beers to fill our "tiyan". hehe

wala ako maisulat…
—- kahit ano na lang..
gwapo ni uka!
    - circuit 8 salap!
    - double contact! dancing lights! tnx koj and jigz
    - dohc engine - tunog lang!! hehe
    - ituwad mo pa!
    - taas ng cut-off… badtrip!

sarap nung bikol trip!
    - swimming… may view pa ha!
    - mayon volcano… commute chevalures
    - fiesta sa naga… dinala ang buong tropa at nakikain… hehehe.
    - kulang tulog… walang paltos na inom… kain to the max… sira tuloy diet ~
    - porn stars  on the spot!
    - butt exposures!
    - warat allowance

swimming to the max…

araw-araw na lang inom - nakakasawa na!
lasing kagabi… 1st time… nagkalat si biboy!!
sino sumira ng window lever ni uka? pupulutin sa daan yun!

    - karinding linya ngayon! —- pa-issue ka! katampo!
    - phat line! —- q: san ba? a: iglesia! hehe

i dont know how people do this and so i am asking this question. how can i redirect this feelings for her? there are too many important people involve and with just one move things could get ulgy. the picture - two guy friends of mine are both inlove with the same girl. the same girl that ive been inloved with for quite a long time now. everyone knows i already took myself out of the picture - now, i want to clear out this first. when i said im taking myself out of the picture, it doesnt mean that the feelings are already gone. it literally means that im putting myself ouf of the picture. its like im breaking off the chains that had been locked on her. i made my deal and i intend to stick to it. so now, it should  be understood that this feelings that i have for her would never just go that easily. it will take time. another problem is how will i do it when we always see each other and everytime that happens i see myself sinking in a quicksand. its like seeing her always for the first time and all you hear is how your heart fastly beats to her tune. dont get me wrong. i enjoy hanging out with her( and with our other friends). and so, avoiding her is the last thing on my mind. now, she tells everyone that im her bestfriend. i dont know if thats just her escape route or she truly sees me that way. whatever the truth is, its hers to tell. third problem - those two guy friends of mine - although the other is saying that he feels no more for the girl. now, its not for me to contradict this because he also has his own side of story. the other guy is the one that i think who’ll try to push himself to the edge. everytime he’ll make a move he’d always ask for my blessings which he never fails to do and i appreciate it. it takes the true knight out of the man. the only problem is that there is something that he sees in me and could not let him go on. even all the assurances and blessings i give doesn’t prove a bit. its like a man to man vibe that everything is not everything. now what can you say to that? everything that you say leads to another question and sometimes it goes up to a point when you dont have answers anymore wondering that if given the chance would you change your answer to the first question?